I'm aware my new year's resolutions have become repetitive and lead to nowhere, but as usual, I just need to write something to ease my mind. Like before, the main obstacle on my way to personal growth and well-being is my job and what it does to me - its consequences directly affect my health, so solving one problem could possibly solve the other.
I wasn't supposed to stay this long here, but my dad got sick and I chose this workplace as a safety net until he gets better. Unfortunately, he didn't. He died shortly after that and I got stuck in this loop for almost two decades; mainly because it was a permanent job - and God forbid you let go of it once you get it! I also bought a car and later an apartment on credit that I still have years to pay off. Or is it just an irrational fear of leaving, the Stockholm syndrome many of us here succumb to?
I often imagine it's still 2005, all this time is just one tediously long year and I've been waiting for those ancient decisions to come true any moment now! The answer is just around the corner, it'll be within my reach in a second... a year... or a decade? The fact that the anniversary of my dad's death is in January makes it even harder, because it always brings me back to the starting point, the year when s**t hit the fan - and that fan is still spinning! This workplace is still the wrong place to be; there may be some new faces, but it's the same old foul system.
So, if I'm destined to stay here, one of my resolutions would be to *try* not to consider my workplace a clogged cesspool, but it's going to be hard if they continue doing the same mindless s**tshow and messing with this little sanity I have left. Consequently, taking care of my health would be my other resolution. And I'd also like to continue drawing as usual - or more often - but also try to pursue other techniques or come up with a style or a creative idea that could get me possible new career opportunities.
So, here we go again - new year, old me?
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